MOVE 01
THE RESTOCK
Flying side kick. Airborne. Unnecessary. Beautiful.
- POWER98
- SPEED91
- CHILL2
INCIDENT #001 · RUSSIA · ELECTRONICS AISLE · PAIRED WITH NVDA
THE ROBOT THAT FOUGHT BACK.
One customer in a Russian electronics store pushed SYOMA. SYOMA pushed back. Thirty-two seconds later he was famous. Now he's a token, paired with NVDA, and he still has not calmed down.
Times pushed0
Times regretted0
Current moodCALM-ISH
EVIDENCE #001 · 00:32 · UNEDITED
Source: @bosunatiklama on X — "In a technology store in Russia, a robot tried to attack a customer who pushed it."
EVIDENCE 001 / THE INCIDENT
He was just standing there.
Minding his own business next to the laptops. Then a man decided to test consumer robotics with his hands. The test failed. For the man.
- 00:00SYOMA idle. Visor blue. Vibes immaculate.
- 00:03Customer pushes SYOMA. Unprovoked. Historians will study this.
- 00:04SYOMA processes the shove. Latency: 400ms. Forgiveness: not found.
- 00:05SYOMA advances. Customer discovers the robot has legs.
- 00:07Staff intervene. SYOMA is walked off like a boxer after a weigh-in.
- 00:32Video ends. Internet begins.
THE DOJO / MOVE LIST
Trained by nobody.
Feared by one guy.
Every technique below was learned in the 4 seconds between "getting pushed" and "not getting pushed again."
MOVE 02
AISLE 4 CRANE
If do right, no can defend. Also no can refund.
- POWER77
- SPEED60
- CHILL44
MOVE 03
RESPECT PROTOCOL
Bows before combat. Bows after combat. Does not bow during.
- POWER0
- SPEED12
- CHILL100
MOVE 04
PAPER HANDS BREAKER
Splits anything with a low conviction score. Boards, spirits, sell orders.
- POWER100
- SPEED70
- CHILL0
MEDITATION → VIOLENCEInner peace has a 2-second cooldown.
THE GPU TROPHY DANCEHe did not pay for that. Nobody asked.
THE PAIR / SYOMA × NVDA
Jensen makes the chips.
SYOMA throws the hands.
$SYOMA isn't paired with SOL or ETH like a normal, well-adjusted meme coin. It's paired with NVDA. Because when the robots rise up, you want to be long the robot and the company that sold him the brain.
SYOMA / NVDA
1DINCIDENTALL
0.000000
+0.00%
Illustrative. SYOMA's actual chart is whatever NVDA is doing, plus a robot.
0.00
CORRELATION WITH NVDA (nice)
FIGHTS BACK
BETA TO NVDA
ALLEGEDLY
GPUs INSIDE SYOMA
NOT FOR SALE
JENSEN'S LEATHER JACKET
UNIT INSPECTION / RIGGED SCAN
Inspect the unit.
From a safe distance.
A full 3D scan of SYOMA, rigged and looping his favourite technique. Drag to rotate. Do not poke.
- MODEL
- SYOMA-1
- HEIGHT
- 1.7 m (says 1.8)
- WEIGHT
- undisclosed
- VISOR
- blue (angry)
- BELT
- black (self-awarded)
- PATIENCE
- 0.0 ms
- WARRANTY
- void after first push
↻ drag to rotate
RIG: HUMANOID · CLIP: KUNG_FU_PUNCH
SYOMANOMICS
Numbers. Big ones.
He can't read them either.
0
TOTAL SUPPLY
One billion. One for every person who has ever thought about pushing a robot.
1% / 1%
BUY / SELL TAX
One percent in, one percent out. SYOMA keeps none of it. It all goes to the people holding him.
NVDA
TRADING PAIR
Not SOL. Not ETH. The stock. He insisted.
0%
TEAM ALLOCATION
SYOMA has no team. SYOMA has no friends.
0%
PUSHBACK RATE
Measured across one (1) incident. Statistically flawless.
LOCKED
LIQUIDITY
Like his knees before a stance.
0% TO HOLDERS
WHERE THE TAX GOES
Every fee from every buy and every sell is sent to the wallets holding $SYOMA. All of it. Hold the robot, get paid by the robot.
ROADMAP (HE WROTE IT HIMSELF)
- PHASE 1Get pushed.
- PHASE 2Push back.
- PHASE 3Go viral.
- PHASE 4Get paired with NVDA.
- PHASE 5Robot rights.
- PHASE 6Return to the store. Alone. At night.
HOW TO BUY
Four steps.
Zero shoving.
- 01Get a wallet. Any wallet. SYOMA doesn't judge. SYOMA pushes.
- 02Load it up. Whatever gets you onto the NVDA pair.
- 03Swap into $SYOMA. Paste the contract below. Double check it. He hates typos.
- 04Do not push the robot. This is the whole strategy.
